I think I siao siao depressed le. Ya...I think I had reached the topmost level of depression, where insanity and depression comes hand in hand. YEAH!
I wanna go Nanyang Poly do NURSING! Dunno lah, such fucked up results mite as well dun go on... Not much point. Ya I think nursing is such as nice job! Hehehe. NO I isn't going to take some opportunity touch some gal's hair...
Nevermind...My Zire (the silver edition) had been put into good use these days, playing Warfare away during Math lecture, while hiding all the way at the back. I really dun feel like studying anymore liao lor. The math and physics lectures fucking empty lah. I had been sticking in the comp in FAR and trying to play Gunz.
Try it...it works on some comps in AJC and it will unlock the 100mb limitation in D drive. But Gunz still cannot be played, once in a game, it will get the 999 ping error and I suspect some firewall blocking access to the game. Shit lah...
Zire 72, mine is the Silver Edition
Warfare on my Palm, a 2mb RTS game with
wireless multiplay feature!
PW was quite sucky, they keep asking me "why up there is slanted one? Why cannot straight?", "Why there got like one patch darker one?" or "why the framing is to the left one?" Idiots...Those are just designs! U mean you prefer something so plain to be a powerpoint presentation layout? No right...The stupid projector cant even show the images properly, its washed out and blur like siao. Even black background and white text cannot bring out all the words clearly. Then someone said "I just think white text isn't right, what about blue?" Look at my layout and see how BLUE text will ever match that colour scheme. When I design the Glass Core theme, its meant to be only in dark grayish blue, shades of grey and dull yellow. Since the projector cannot project colours of the same brightness properly, dull yellow and dark grayish blue is out for sure (background is darkblue). Which is why I think white and maybe some ligher grays are the only suitable colours left. Please...no blue, dun upset the colour scheme...
Glass Core powerpoint layout. Note that the ZOMBiE
watermark is here becos I dun wanna someone else to kope. T
he original one on my ppt wun have it.
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Bye Bye Mr Tan
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 7:21 PM --- Post#112963497862925466
Ok today is my principle's retirement day, so I shall politely call him Mr Tan. Ok 1st thing, compare to Ang Pow Chew, I can say Mr Tan is a lot more forgiving and patient principle. Serious, Ang Pow sucks like my ass.
Anyway he had forgiven me. For the fact he shielded me from someone's dad who wanted to screw me personally for some stupid misunderstanding, I give him 75/100 for a principle. Another thing is that he did not blame one of the cult groups(band?I think so) for not getting gold but encouraged them and told them Silver is also a great achievement. If it was to be Ang Pow Chew, he would sure to acid-boil them with until they feel like a shit.
Mr Tan is a good principle. Ok I admit we do make fun of his large ears, but its better than Ang's mole face. I mean we tend to make fun with people with peculiar look (yah like my fuck face, I admit ok...).
The thought of using a shotgun to blow the teacher's head pop into my mind again when all the teachers gathered on the stage. Why neh? Sher Hern lah, ever since he showed me the photo of a taxi driver's head being blown off by a two barrel shotgun, I began to become fetish about shotguns. For dinner appetizer, here is the picture, and let this also be my tribute to Mr Tan:
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Monday, October 17, 2005
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 5:41 PM --- Post#112954913611339164
I was enjoying myself on Sunday, as I knew how depressed I will get on Monday. I was fiddling happily with Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 until 3am.
Oh gosh I was really having a swirling mind this morning accompanied with a slight fever. I was PRETENDING to have fun with SuYee and Sher Hern though I knew deep in me I was unwell. I did not get sick becos I sleep late, but rather becos of nervousness.
1st paper was Math. I KNEW I FAILED. Yet I had to look at the paper. The score I saw was...Ridiculous...I quickly put away the paper and fiddle with my Zire. Math...who invented it? Someone once mocked at me for failing math when im a freaking Computer Science student. Like as if Computing is all about math? No.
2nd Paper is GP. I was rather freaked out when I saw my composition. Seriously feel like decomposing. Tsun Lam came up and told me happily he pass and got 50+ for GP. Ya I acted like nothing happen but I was deeply hurt inside. Lily that gal(I dint wanna use 'bitch', not polite)was getting like way way higher than me? Remember ZOMBiE-13 rule 1?
" 1. Use of negative emotions".
Jealousy kicked in me. Not only her but a hell lot of other people. I have nothing to hide now. No point hiding my feelings.
3rd was Computing. It was fucked up. Wilson did warn me about calculation error and BINGO! Mr Ang failed his math and totaled my marks wrongly.
Ok things are going really screwed as I can see my heart bleeding like hell now. I was in the canteen, waiting for Physics results. I could not see anything beyond 15m. My headache and fever is getting worse. OMG, I can’t even scan who is around me. It took me 10 minutes to find my class in AJC's pathetic canteen! My arms are weak like a branch, as if they will break anytime.
Last was physics. I was in the auditorium next to some 09 class. They collected their score sheet rather fast and was celebrating.
"WOW! A!...yeah B!"
"You got highest in class!"
Fuck them. Suddenly I feel like taking a shotgun and just blast some holes in their brain and make sure their head looks a blood fountain with softie brains parts smeared all over their face. I saw my score and was like...wtf...I feel like rolling up the paper and stuff it into my asshole and hope that I will die due to loss of blood.
Ok lor! Win liao lor! Retain lor! Happy lor!
I was damn hell chee bye traumatized and I stormed home immediately. In the MRT I fuck care some old lady aiming for that lan cheow seat. I just pushed my way across and sit on it and pretend no one was looking at my misdeed. I blasted Jay's and Xiao Ju's R&B music and was disappointed that I did not have MC Hotdog in my G3 that time.
Mr Ang called me and asked about me. He consoled me so that I feel less like a fucking idiot. I mean the best ever teacher in AJC will nevertheless be Mr Ang. He is the best.
Went home and dao my mum like she never existed. Neva bath and just fall onto my bed and sleep like a log.
I just realised something: According to Murphy's Law, if your life can get fucked up, it will!
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Saturday, October 15, 2005
The Days Before Monday
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 5:53 PM --- Post#112937290029618283
Dun scold me for not updating my blog recently, I was playing like mad everyday. You know the reason...I want to enjoy myself before next monday. This one week has been quite a peaceful one, and I am feeling less depressed. At times i thought that maybe im already numb to emotions, no more happy, sad, angry, just feeling 'zombie'.
I have been trying to stay with my class more, rather than escaping. I tried to talk to more people, rather than dao them. I mean i may never see them again next year.
I feel that i have become more and more soft hearted. I can actually forgive Robert just liddat for betraying me, I actually felt happy when Su Yee told me Rouhua misunderstood me, I actually nothing much when Tsun Lam did the poster without me. Whats happening to me? I tot im suppose to kill SiHui for Robert to be depressed forever, big nuke 2505 and hopefully AJC get destoryed as well or blind Ah Lam with lens flare so that he will not be able to see again?
Of course thats what i though i should do. Im just getting too softhearted. Thats typically ZOMBiE. ZOMBiE remain on the Earth becos his mind is filthy like a corrupted HDD and he has the ability to make everyone hate him thus cannot go to Heaven. Neither can he go to hell becos he is too softhearted to elimiate his friends who obstructed him. Thats why zombie is not a creature from hell nor is he a human.
Darren Woo so kindly asked me why i failed my promos like a fuck. I was damn hell touched lah. HE told me not to jump down and reminded me of the VS days where we fought and aruged and passed through thick and thin.Ya of course i remembered. But this is AJC, you fail you die, so easy. He told me something about 4B meeting and how peepz miss me. Something is damn wrong (ya learnt that phrase from cXtreme Darren). Someone is missing me? Who? The poly or Macdonal? Or isit hell telling me to me less softhearted so i can join there.
Sometimes i wonder if ppl hate me so much, why do they still say hello when they see me? Why did Lily and SuYee wave to me today? Why did 'X' greeted me so warmly that day? Why did Shuan still talks to me? WHY? I dun understand, or maybe i will never. Maybe they should just leave me alone. For this, i gave a second though that maybe there is really such this call 'love' and 'friendship' on Earth. Maybe only lah...
Robber. Thats Jeremy's MSN nick. He told me out of the blue that day that he is actually a J2. I was quite shocked for a moment. The though of a retainee gave me the idea of ppl that will always piss me off, like Braddy lah...He dint look like any retainee to me. HE is so hardworking! Jeremy is far off from Braddy! I went to KFC with him that day where he met his last year J1 CJC friend.
"So you having study break soon lah!"
"Errrmm actually I am still a J1"
Suddenly i can feel that he is actually quite...how to say...strong. If im him i will never dare to face my friends again. Let alone telling then i had retained. I really 佩服 Jemery.
Today the AJC open house is mad. My LAN team:Tsun Lam, Darren and me was suppose to meet @ 12pm and monitor them in the LAN room till 3pm. I was only playing for 30minutes when Mr Khor stormed in and ordered us to shut down. I was damn shocked lah. Darren and ah Lam oso complained that they had only played for a short while. Mr Khor was making a call to Vinoth (i think so...) to come in and delete the games, Then Terrence quickly told us to shoo off and everyone went off to the MRT station together. Hahaha i think Vinoth was the only one left there uninstalling all the games one by one on each comp...Hehehehe...
Later one I went with Tsun Lam to J8 to watch Into The Blue. Quite nice show lah but im not writing a movie review this time. @ 4.40 we went off to Toa Payoh and Tsun Lam went for Tuition and i went home via Bus 8.
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Monday, October 10, 2005
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:34 AM --- Post#112895496488975636
Today went out with Jeremy to watch movie. We went to Princess @ Bedok. Well it was not as ulu as I thought, the only complain is that the air con is not cold enough.
We watched: CORPSE BRIDE
The story is about Victor marrying Victoria. They only met on that very day of marriage. Being nervous, Victor screwed up his marriage vows that he was suppose to recite in front of the priest and Victoria. The priest was furious and doubt his sincerity in the marriage. Victor was blaming himself for being such a failure and went into the woods to practise his lines.
Victoria and Victor
He tried his lines umpteen times and he got it perfect at last, where he put his ring onto a tree branch. Surprisingly, the branch turn out to be the finger of a corpse! She woke from death and insisted that Victor is his husband. He was knocked out and found himself in the land of the Dead.
Emily rising frm death
Down there, he met the deeds, disgusting but portrayed in a cute manner. Skeletons who could disassemble themselves, a man who was cut into halves, and spiders who spoke. They told him about the corpse bride, who was so relieved she got herself a man.
Her name was Emily. She came from a wealthy family. She fell in love with a gentleman but their parents objected their marriage. Being desperate, they decided to take all the money and they eloped. The gentleman kindly requested Emily to wait for him under a tree, while he promised to meet her later. She waited and waited but the gentleman never turn up. She died of grief and the cold.
Skeltons dancing and telling Victor her story
Victor being smart, lied to Emily that they should go to the land of the living to meet her parents. They approached a priest and he cast a spell and brought them back to the land of living. He sneaked away and looked for Victoria, but was caught by Emily. Victoria was shocked that he was married to a dead lady and Emily was angered by the fact Victor lied to her. She immediately brought him back to the underworld.
Angry Emily becos Victor lied to her
Meanwhile, another guy proposed to Victoria since Victor could not be found. Victoria's parents thought he was rich and agreed to it, although Victoria objected violently. She had no say and the wedding carried on.
Upon receiving the news, Victor felt hopeless and he overheard the priest telling Emily that his vow "...Till death...." Was invalid as Emily was already dead. The only solution was to drink the poison wine and give up Victor's life. Emily being softhearted would not do it, but the depressed Victor see no point in waiting for Victoria and agreed to officially marry Emily.
The wedding was held in the land of Living. Where all the ghost and corpse rose and met all their kins who were still alive. Victor was about to end his life by the poison wine when Victoria sneaked into the Church. Emily saw her and stopped Victor.
"I was once saddened that someone took away my happiness, while now I'm taking away someone else's' happiness" with that she pulled Victoria's hand and put it in Victor's.
Victoria's husband came over and stopped the wedding. He claimed that Victoria was ultimately his. Coincidentally, he was the gentleman who cheated Emily of her money and caused her death. He took a sword and battled with Victor. Emily blocked his attack and threaten him to leave at once. The gentleman took the poison wine, not knowing that its lethal, and gave Emily a toast, mocking that she would never get her happiness.
The guy who cheated emily
Upon drinking, he died and the corpses pulled him to hell. Victor and Victoria were finally together, and Emily turned into butterflies and flew away...
Ironically, the movie was portrayed in a way that the word of living was in desaturated colours (ie almost grayscale)while the land of dead was in full colour. This shows that the dead were actually happier that the living who were always bounded by rules.
Also someone mentioned that the fact that Victor was alive and Emily was dead was only a temporary situation as all man got to be dead one day. The spider and maggot comforted Emily saying that she was in all ways better than Victoria except that she is dead. So is dead so important? I guess he was trying to say that love can actually go beyond grave and that dying is just a natural phenomenon.
With that...I think this is a really great movie. The plot is easy to understand and it was really touching. Go watch ba!
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Friday, October 07, 2005
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:52 AM --- Post#112891852301296017
"Binomial thereom: one plus n plus n times n minus one over two factoria...eh that's in the Machlorine's series???? Binary search is take everything divide by half then search..Wait need to sort firt....Gravitational potential is minus G M over..r square? Or isit over r only???? Shit...How can i forget everything...ahh tml what subject???"
I opened my eyes and sat up, straightening my thoughts. Today is...Friday....I was dreaming. There is no exams today. Streams of thoughts crossed my brain as I am doubly sure that today is F-math and I should be resting st home.
I lied down once again, closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. For the moment i was glad that everything was over. But the next second i thought of 17 October or perhaps next tuesday, when all results will be given back. A chill was sent down my spine to my ass and farted out frm my asshole. Haiz...im retained for sure. I knew i crapped my Promos.
I was particularly worried about my physics. Its not that i do not understand the syllabus, its that i have very poor time management. I always tell my mum that Physics is one of my better subject. I guess I have to let her down. Ok if physics is not my better subject, then im left with practically nothing.
Im afraid, what if other people get better grades than me? They will luff at me. They will mock me. Despise me. The teachers will mark me...Pinpoint me. I will be noted as one of those with "problems".
Im afraid if i get retained, do i have the face to see my then J2 friends again? No more computing next year, meaning im going to fail even more badly? How will my parents think? Im a fucked-up lan jiao child?
Im afriad if i go Poly, how will i adapt? Will I be bullied?
Im afraid if i go NS, will I make it alive?
Im afraid even i do get promoted, my laziness will drag me down, will I be more stress? How do i become more hardworking?
Suddenly fear grew in me...Im afraid of so many things. Im already depressed. I can die of depression one noe...I was lying there..feel like crying, but cant cry for nuts.
There are too much to be afraid of...
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
Promo Day 4 - Physics
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:34 PM --- Post#112861000862978503
Last paper, my last dashing hope...
The starting was easy, and it meant trouble at the back. Sure enough, the last battle was not as simple as it seemed. I was pacing up to meet the questions at the end, and i skipped quite a lot of them in front. They were either too difficult or that I had mental block. Towards the third quarter, I was racing against time. I hate that. Thinking processes fastened alongside with fear of miscalculations and major errors. My thread of thought was cut off several times as i applied to much tension in my thinking. Fuck it. The last fifteen minutes was...crap. My mind then was in a chaotic state. As i glance around and saw the gal beside me going beserk, i could almost see her tears as she pulled her hair in agony. Poor thing. I knew i was doomed but i could do nothing. The initial damage cost me about a loss of 30+ marks. Meaning my score ends the most at 90 instead of 120. That was freaking painful.
Actually i expected that, thus i was not extremely hurt. After the paper i met up with Terrence. In the toilet i told him i was looking for a job in Mac, he actually told me "Awww...sad...see my penis is weeping for you..". I laughed bitterly and proceed on my way home. And then i realised something: Game Over
PS: bye bye AJC!
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Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Promo Day 3 - Computing
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 9:34 PM --- Post#112860924212065754
I followed the way carefully through the paper. I knew i was slow, but i got to be extreme careful, for this is my life saving subject. My mind was emotionless, not nervous, not anxious, not hopeful and of course not happy. Information streamed into my mind like SCSI: fast and accurate. As I made my way towards the end of the paper, a though was left trailing behind. It is the thought of how well i can do for computing. The paper was neither difficult nor easy, while i doubt my own ability, it is quite impossible to fail.
Numb is that feeling. Sad is the emotion. Hopeless is the situation. Endurance is the solution.
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Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Promo Day 2 - Mathmatics 9233
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 3:56 PM --- Post#112850001462093217
Floating pointes appeared in my mind as i read through the pile of questions. Four pages of agony is no joke to a simpleton like me. Three hours is really a time for me to relax my mind and just try my best. Relax...
At first my butt was quite itchy when i sat for the Math paper, after a while it was certainly hurtful. My ass was bleeding by the time the paper finished. I knew it! The paper fucked my ass! I told you im allergy to Math long before!
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Monday, October 03, 2005
Promo Day 1 - General Paper
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 2:26 PM --- Post#112832111497378576
I was swirling my G2 between my middle and fore finger, staring blankly at the paper, i could almost hear the clock ticking on the wall. My pen swirled faster and faster, as i closed my eyes, begging my thoughts to stream over into my brain. 0930. My pen lost its balance and dropped to the table like how my high hopes had fallen. i was hoping I could pen down something for my counter argument and conclusion. I could not. My fingers are too hurt to do anything. Everything was useless, as i resigned to fate...
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Sunday, October 02, 2005
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 8:37 AM --- Post#112821479354699687
I was mugging like hell yesterday.
Well my exams anxiety problem is showing up again. Symtoms include keep feel like eating though i know im full, keep feeling the need to shit but nothing come out when i go toilet.
Siao liao, i haven mug math yet, haiz . . . it seems that Math is my "no-hope" subject. I had been plouging into physics and comp science and finally, today im gonna mug math. Fuck liao lah.
People like Lily can get a lot better grades than me though she was from Normal Acad. Ppl like Jeremy taking Combine Science got better grades than me too! Haiz...Look at Frank, that lazy fella. Once he starts his engine he and add a bit fuel(mugging, his scores can go wild. Robert is starting to mug too and i have got this very strong feeling his is passing his promos with FLY-HIGH colours.
I noticed that people who are those kind of a bit naughty and in-famous among teachers normally do not have very decent grades. Like u noe, Zhe Ming in VS and a few to mention in AJ. Im talking about those kind of people who are very "cool-looking" and "hip", everyday play DOTA play pool, furthermore zhar bo tends to stick to them. They tend to get into some kind of discipline problems and are not very elcomed by the teachers.
Another kind of students are those whose parents very rich and they take up lots and lots of enrichment classes. They know piano, violin, swimming, ballet and all kinds of "hi-class" craps! Their dad tell them that there is no need to study hard because he will be able to pass his business to him/her when he/her grows up. They have a lot of talents and thus next time their parents would be able to open some ballet school, swimming college or violin insitute for them.
But me this ugly shit who is unpopular and un-cool and un-hip and do not go hangout everyday and do not play DOTA. Neither do i have any so call "talents" in any fucking aspect. So why am i just not scoring???
Laziness is not really a factor. People like Frank is lazy. But why is he scoring so well? Sher Hern is hardworking, but his just pass his subjects with Ds and occasion Bs. Robert is lazy but how the hell he got 9pts for O's and i got only 11? Gek Han is hardwordking but is his score better than mine? No really, summore we are both from VS. Bunny dun mug much but why is his grades so FLY-HIGH?
Maybe is my study techniques . . . ahhh dun care le . . . FU&CK lah . . KNNBCCB. Feeling better now . . .
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