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Monday, November 28, 2005
Holiday Stress
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:30 AM --- Post#113314731952378229

Im getting really sad lately...haiz...In case Robert is reading it now, no im not going to try out ZOMBiE Rockson or smthing.

Why sad neh? How i noe, I always dint noe the reason for being sad lor! Strange. Perhaps its because i get a lot more free time and really think too much during the holidays. Thinking how bad 2006 day 1 will be. Thinking how im going to finish my holiday homework where i had only do 3 pages of math and thats it. Thinking how im going to fail my A level.Thinking how im dying in NS. Thinking of what happen if my comp breaks down. Thinking why my IE still wun work. Thinking why ppl are doing holiday jobs and im not. Thinking why im so useless....haiz...

Im getting awfully lazy. Lazy to wake up, lazy to do homework. Lazy to even do up my blog. Lazy to go out. Lazy to play games. Lazy to bath. Lazy to make my bed. Im so lazy...Everytime i tried to do my homework, i will tell myself i will do it another day and perhaps i can have one more day of fun. In the end I will never do, thats why i must force myself to sit down and complete a page or two, if not at least a few questions. Its terrible. I just hate homework.

Ever since O level where i really mug it out, hoping for at least an L1R5 of 8 or 9. I got 11. Not fair! I really mugged for it. A lot of other non-muggers got better than me. Its like a score of 11 is really in the bottom list in AJC. Make me so fucked up only. And i realised i wasted all my life. And now i wanna enjoy life. But....i grew too lazy, now that i regret. Maybe i should stay as a mugger? I dunno....im just feeling very terrible...

I dun even feel like going out. Got zhar bo ask me out i oso dun feel like going. Haiz, actually not zhar bo, but my lesbian cousin asking me go KBox, she really dun noe the consequences of listening to me sing....

Sitex was so...disappointing. I mean i dun even get to take a look at whats inside. On sunday where my dad took me there, i was in quite a high spirit, but then was NO CARPARK! All carparks from A-K are filled! Even the illegal ones on the roadside are taken up, and the poor Auntie gotta take down all the number plates, wtf can see her fingers almost breaking....

What more coming up? I dunno. I just feel like keeping myself at home, suddenly i hate interacting with people. Hate going out. Hate everything. But staying at home isnt the solution, i will be bored to approaching death, where the asymtote will be death thus you end up 求生不得,求死不能.

Games? Forget games. I used to like playing games a lot, but now no matter how much robert tell me what game is fun, i have no interest. I dun noe what is "lag" or "lousy graphics" last time. But since i upgraded my comp i can tell the diff. Halo use to have perfect graphics, but now i find hard to satisfy my appetite for speculars, decals, Anti-aliasing, high textures and all that. My comp isnt good at all thus switching them all on will result to superb lag. In my memories, a lot of games which have ultimate graphics and runs fast now looks ugly and lagging. All because i learnt what is good and what is not.

Just like audio, I used to be stisfied with 96kbps ogg on my freak PDA w the $20 Sony earphones. Now im wanting more and more becos i learnt what "good audio" is... How i wish i dint noe all that...not just that i can save more money, i can also fufil my satisfaction with ease.

So fearing all these will happe, i dun play games. I want online games where i can acutally see other real players. CS is just not for me, too tatical and realistic and im too noob. I want something fancyful, thats why im still stuck in Gunz.

Sucks right? No matter if its holiday or school days, im still sad and sick in my mind. There is smthing very wrong with my mindset, but who set the default "ideal" mindset for comparison? Why is that guy who says "we must work hard in studies" correct? So what if i want to defy him? Stupid....

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