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Friday, December 30, 2005
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:17 AM --- Post#113591506798824202

Yes i am sad. Very sad. My life had been screwed off balance, now i sleep at 4am everyday. No matter what....something would always crop up b4 i sleep and i could not sleep early. I have no appitite recently, I know im hungry but i dun feel hungry, liddat how to join Shuan & Yi Long in our Prenium TAF club to slack off out NS like PE sia....

I can like drink only two glasses of water a day and dun go toilet at all....I shit like once every 4 days and bath alternate days. Im fucked up....Im doomed....

I met Robber online yesterday, and i told him im not going Uni and might be escaping A levels. Then he paused...and ask me isit social problems...can i say no? Even i got social problems all the while last time, at the end of the day 4B is still a nice class, they least at the end they care bit for me, no matter how attitude and fucked up i was that time.....not like cold blooded AJCians...

I did not show Robber my blog becos i dint wnat him to know, be he was constantly mentioning to me ppl in AJC not being good and a lot of politics and stuff, and i guess he knew some sort about my background...and now i gave him my blog and ask him read all the way from now till the 1st entry, which records my miserable life all the way from 1st three months. I know he is really concerned, as a techno lover and a emotional guy, i had grew to even sense feelings through MSN messenger.

Too much happened this year, I shall now list them now:

- YQ's incident
She complained me to principle cos i touch her hair, created a woo-haa saying im a sex predator...wtf...

-RH's incident
I put her imagine on my blog and got her complain, being a friend of YQ, she hate me as well, but thank god she revealed Robert's betrayal by sending over our dirty chat log to YQ and that RGS gal tot i really had dirty intention over her....dint she noe its normal for guys to tok dirty? And bloody Robert betrayed me. Fine i forgave him even he was quite sincere since he might have some unknow reason to do that. So YQ complain me cos of the chat log and less of her hair

-JJ's incident
I seriosuly dunno where i had offended him, this nonsense suddenly keep pin pointing at me and make lead the class to make fun of me suddenly. This non-arrogant, non-self deciving and sweet guy really adds on to my trouble.

-Lily's incident
Again she avoided me cos of rumours i like her just cos me no other friends. One of my blog entry was scolding all those whom i was jealous with and when i came to her....i good heartedly say "I shall not call her bitch", cos i call the rest Fuckers and chee byes....I gave her respect and she tot i deliberately wrote that to meant she is a bitch....What crap. And due to some other factors which i oso dunno, friends again became enemies.

After O levels, i realised that my life will be repeating the same way in JC and Uni. Sadder to know, C math is a continuation of A math which sticks spears in my ass. And this is definitely not the life i want...Summore AJC took away all my motivation and now im feeling hopeless, i dun want to mug anymore, i no want uni, i no want cert, i no want a lot of $$$, I want a peaceful and quiet life...thats all. And my results keep dropping and dropping...no one can help me. My parents insist on the regualr JC then uni path, no i no want....i toked to them and they totally reject my ideas. They either let me go, or they most prolly let me die...

Thats about all those events that spreaded through this year....too much liao...all those on top are just summaries...I began to start colsing down my relationsip with some friends, I dun tok to them anymore, and they oso dun tok to me, gradually, once very good friendships are disbanded. Im doing this cos i dun want them to hate me, i realised the more they know me the more I will trst them and the more they will hate me and the more painful i will be. Friendship wun last long. I had tried to stopped making new friends, all i want is loneliness.

I am indeed sad....

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