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Saturday, December 24, 2005
Why I hate Christmas
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:52 PM --- Post#113544295819685355

I hate Chirstmas, I never like Chirstmas at all. Why?

When everyone is happily eating their Thanksgiving, im idling all alone at home. When they are all aborbed in the joyous atmosphere, im being nagged by my mum, on how lazy i am, how useless i am. Since young a lot of children knew about Santa and hope for their wishes to come through. Since young im told there is no Santa, and my parents will never spend money making me happy. They will say Christmas are only for Chirstians, since my parents are Buddist, they wun bother, no matter how much i argue that its simply an occasion to celebrate, they never knew I just wanted to be happy for that day...

Im so lonely, my best friend is my comp, my mp3 player, my PDA, my phone, my watch, Pok Pok. Yes i noe this is stupid but please just let me bluff myself for the moment to ease my pain. Chirstmas for me is lonely, one of the most dull days I ever had. The only happy thing is that i get to send some mindless SMS so that my mum wun complain that I had so many free SMS left and im wasting money. Dint she know I have no one to SMS to?

I will be in my room. Dark and cold. And my mum constantly nagging outside if I had done my homework.Dint she know Im not doing? What for? Im not intending to pass A level, neither I want to survive NS. Life had been grateful to me, I seriously dunno how had i survived until now. I want some majour failure, some setback so huge that it will make me go down, and I can hide in my own world forever. But no. I wanted to fail promo so I can drop school, but did i so zoon just merely past?

Christmas reminds me that one year is almost over. I will start to think of my past. My glory days, I was once really an innocent boy, until I got so clear of this world I just got more and more painful. I was the top in class in Sec 1 and 2, and my life begin to shift in sec 4, and im totally not myself now. Thats why I always say Im dead once. Because the old xiang yun or xiao pang or CyGiG or Sotong no longer exist. Whats left is an asshole call ZOMBiE.

Thinking what I had achieve in 2005. A mere ZERO. I had achieved nothing.I have no talents nor skills, im just a loser. A guy so ugly that crys everytime in his own room, not wanting anyone to see or know. Yes im overly emotion. But being "emotional" to girls simply means getting scared or touched easily. "emotional" to me means anger, sadness, hatred, violence and psychopathic.

Why am i so pathetic? Becos I hate my life. Yes i know i can pass my A level if i try my best, but i dun want. What for? This is not the life i want. Yes life is never smooth sailing, but i see all other's life being so much better. Fine, i had tried to keep up but failed. Not what i can do it to give up life. But yet those who wish to live find death so easy and those who wish to die find death so difficult.

I might be suffering from Depression or some mental illness. I need some shrink or couscelling. I need some love. Not as in BGR. BGR is impossible to me. Yes i admit i had like someone before, but i know its no use. No one likes me. All of them wish I die faster. I cant feel love anymore now....love in terms of friendship or family love.

I oso wanna take this opportunity to thank some people. Some kind soul that let me feel less hopless. I wanna thank kuen ho, reyneth, bryan, samuel, teo hong, my NP juniors, my teachers and those in VS. I oso wanna thank robert, sher hern, su yee, qiao yun, selina, gerry, shuan, tusn lam, terrence, darren, akshay, december, kian tiong and all others in AJC.

In case u wondering why i never turn up for any class outing. Not becos i dao or becos i hate u guys. I dun want to spoil the fun by having me there. I hate being around w large grp of ppl. Call me anti-social.

Oso this christmas i oso wanna thank my parents. Though they dun really understand me but they provided me w a nice family. Perhaps my dad can be less objective and bad tempered, perhaps my mum can be less stubborn. They are wonderful, my dad taught me wonderful photographic, audio and DnT skills. My mum taught me great life eperience.

Wanna thank my cousin Tomato for scoring the top for my quiz. Second by Robert. She had been a great friend of mine since very young. We played power rangers and pokemon together since young and tok crap all the while. I get to understand gals thru her as i pass on some of my IT skills to her. She never complain me to be irritating or pervertic (cos she is oso dirty minded!). She is oso non-mugger w damn nice personal attitude.

Ya oso wanna thank my comp for being my slave for 4 years and Pok Pok for being my longest pet. Though she is only a chicken, i still love her as much as any human being. My gadget for this year is my iAudio G3, I like it as much as my Zire and Tungsten, fufiling all that i could had. My softwarre of the year is Adobe Photoshop, for converting my ideas and attitude into graphical form. My music for this year is Jay, Crazy Frog, Yuan Wei Jue Xing, Six Plus and MC hotdog. My game for this year is GunZ Online, followed by Half Life 2. Movie for this year is Wet Dreams II.

Thats all. Im feeling better now. Merry Christmas!

and i still hate christmas....

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