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Monday, May 21, 2007
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 12:36 AM --- Post#5968457032661819429

Its a clear nice saturday yesterday. I was on my way home from guard duty, taking the usual bus 33 home. But something else is different - the atmosphere. I love this word, "tranquility", from which only i can settle down and free my thoughts.

What is tranquility? It is a combination of peaceful, homely, familiar and relatively quiet surrounding plus the correct weather (either not-so-hot sun or rainy weather). The bus was quiet empty, in which i found space for myself. Not having much people in your immediate surrounding is easier to process than crowded places. Processing threads like looking and analysing the behaviour of people around you, thinking of the correct way to behave in public, thinking of how not to attract attention, thinking if i should sit or should stand are not high. Events like edging my way through the crowd, securing my arm to the bus pole, saying "sorry" and "excuse me", adjusting my bag so not to hit people are much lesser. It leads back to tranquility, where everything is in place (peaceful) and no noise pollution (quiet) and then my mind will be able to relax.

Looking outside the bus, i saw quite some ppl rushing here and there. Those are indirect surrounds, where i cant hear them and no need to share spaces with them. The view of stacks of HDB flats, cars with gals-in-school-u driven by the concerned parents, the way too organised plantation of trees and couples hugging and kissing in public are perfect view of familiarity and peacefulness. All these completes the tranquility.

Normally when i go home, the bus will be packed with people, and no place to sit and rest my tired legs. Outside will either be the blazing sun (which i fucking dun like) and everywhere is sibei noisy. But since im early now, everything seems much better.

I suddenly realised that maybe i should wake up early during weekends. The morning (7 to 10am) of the day seems to be the best among the afternoon and night. But most of the time, im either mugging, working or sleeping, and lost the opportunity to experience such nice scene. Wooo...i love it da!

But something seems wrong also - i haven been interacting with everyone. Even the atmosphere is gorgeous, i haven been really toking to anybody since the day before. I see people outside the bus, but i cant join them in their business. I have no friends next to me.

Messages thru sms suddenly seem so "fake", while before that i tot digital text carries feelings. Even im reading lots of comforting sms by chio bu on the bus, i cannot feel anything. I guess all these sms are just..templates. Templates of response to someone feeling sad for the whole week. Maybe, "dun be sad", "dun think too much", "good luck", "i hope u get what u want". Sianz. Do ppl really care about me? Or do they reply me just to stop my whining? Irritating. I now dun tok in class, so began to guai lan thru sms and msn? I dunno.

But all i now...im actually alone and no body cares, in this tranquil nice atmosphere. Sad or Happy? No feelings, i guess.

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