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Saturday, June 30, 2007
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 8:45 AM --- Post#8461217785367139577

"Your will be sent to Exercise Wallaby?"
We looed at each other, "Err...not sure."
"No no, i mean, your WILL be sent to Wallaby, so be mentally prepared."

The moment it struck me, i felt like the sky fell.

Staying in is bad enough, now they want send me to some Aussie jungle and sleep there for a month. Remembering Mohawk's field camp for a month...it sucks. I cant even carry field pack, dun say field pack lah, everyday i carry my washed coverall to camp is enough to make my right shoulder tense and ache like a old man in the night, I wonder if my shoulder is still "serviceable" after NS.

"Oh ya, next year Feb during chinese new year, your wil go india! Prepare to eat curry everyday."

This another piece of bad news came fast enough. But no effect on me liao cos by then im already devastated. Lots of things went through my mind. Why i so suay. Its suay enough i keep being posted here and there, suay even more i tio a stay in Kranji Camp out of so many other possibilities. And even more suay so fast i got to out feed kangaroos for a month. Suay suay need eat curry for another month or so during CNY. WHat is this?

I dunno, but the feeling i got was like i kena some terminal disease. I think if i get some terminal cancer i still happier, at least i know i get to die. Ya..i want to die. A long wish of mine ever since AJC times.

When i got to OETI, i was so damn optimistic, "optimistic zombie" is never something all my good friends knew of me. But i was really very delighted with life then. I was like planning all the projects and events i could undertake for the rest of my two years. Things like helping AJC do up their AJIBAS, or maybe I will tell boss when im permanently stay out and get more free lance poster design. Or maybe i will succeed for my cmoy amp prototype, with the help of my dad, may be able to sell pocket amps which isnt well known now in the market. Then i will go back to VS and ask my DnT teacher, mr chan gimme materials and i will make the casing, so that it resembles some iPod accessories, every nite there. OR maybe i will make more wallpapers, and add on to my portfolio for NAFA. Or maybe i will take nite classes on..dunno what lah. Or maybe i will learn driving.


Bad luck had followed me since i step into AJC. Its either bad luck or some problem with me. But i think the latter is more possible. Somehow i feel damn betrayed. At first i tot i can have my time to do my own productive stuff at home every night. Now everything is dashed. Happy?

My good buddies, december and kiat all down also. December was hospitalized cos his back prob got worst and his hand is trembling like some stroke patient, all cos his nervous system got some problem, now in hospital under observation, under neuro department. He is a combat engineer.

Wei Kiat cannot tahan the stress, as a combat engineer also, in 30SCE Jurong camp. Things like 30 min admin time and 5 min hp usage a day killed him. He told his PC and went MO and got att c for depression. Luckily the MO and PC understand him, and planning to get counciling and stuff.

Yesterday whole day i in a state of shock. Keep crying and crying. For myself, for my friends, for my family. For my cursed life also.

Maybe its time to take out my penknife once again. I want to kill myself.

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