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Sunday, July 15, 2007
Fuck Day
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:34 AM --- Post#2886781419683510071

Fuck Day
Birthday? I have no birthday. Whats the use of birthday on a freaking sunday where i have to stay at home to rot? Cant find anyone go out today...i guess i will stone at home ripping music and trying to get pass that stupid Copy Protected CD.

Every year birthday also damn sian damn sad. Last year's bd worry about school stuff...this year army stuff...so sad so sad...fuck lah... I noe of ppl who will always get like big birthday parties, lots lots lots of presents and cakes. For me, its just my parents taking me to eat (maybe they wanna eat themself also?) something a bit more exp than normal dinner or lunch.

Damn sad. Birthday is just like any usual day...dragged with parent's nagging and sister's irritation and the usual problems....sian

Birthday? More like Fuck Day.

Digital Land
I realised i haven been talking to anyone for the past 2 weeks. Talking as in real life chatting to humans directly. All along in camp, i merely held simple conversation like "tml bring what?" or "what time fall in?" or "fix what thing?" or "er, sergeant looking for you". My handphone's batt lasted the whole week cos i never call anyone nor sms anyone (except towards the end of the week i sms a bit).

I had been talking, playing whatever in forums, my own comp, over MSN, over sms. I realised i talked over these indirect medium is much more than i talk in real life. Slowly...my life is divided into two parts. First part is the problemtic "Mohawk" (my turret ppl called me cos im the only Mohawk from BMT in my class) who is so guai lan and soft and lousy and worry about things like staying in and going overseas and hide at home all the time. The part two comes when i enter my little digital comfort zone, reading and posting in forums, chat online over the midnight on MSN, or mass messaging and chatting w like 5 ppl simultaneously on SMS and busting my bill. Taking command of my machines and make full use to do watever i like, so confident becos most of the time my fatality and power in controlling machines is much much more than ppl around me.

Someone told me before she likes to stay alone and quiet when depress. But i tot i myself like to talk to ppl, rant a lot to release pressure and stress. When ranting, i never ever expected an answer or solution...just to vent my anger my saying things out thats all.

Now i want to switch, now i just want be alone. I dun want rant, dun want talk at all. Just lock myself up. Real life or digital life also dun talk anymore. Just like trap myself in some dark zone no body finds, no body sees. Out of sight. Out of hearing range.

Then one day you find me dead, and you also dunno why. But dun worry, i will still blog.

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