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Monday, August 13, 2007
Past, Present, Future
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 11:11 PM --- Post#4523152714060328113

I bought a deck of Tarot card (Shining Tribe Variant) for $33, it comes with a book explaining how to use it. My time is almost up, the battle to stay out to serve my passion is almost over. Seriously looking at the situation now i cannot predict anything. IT depend on factor like posting, interview with S1 Branch, ability to sneak home during nights off, medical reviews, going Wallaby or India or not, if OC allow change of unit... Lots of factors and i trying to fight for all. So i decided to buy a deck or Tarot to see how and what i should do. I know it sounds damn lame, cos im never a religious person, and why am i believing in such superstitious thigys?

I researched online. Tarot cards are sometimes used by psychiatrists on their patients, to evoke their sub conscious and relate it to their conscious state of mind. After reading the book, i think its like when u pick the cards, you will be force to relate your current situation onto the cards, as the cards are organized in like "Past, Present, Future" or "Body, Mind, Spirit" or simply drawn after a question is ask, therefore there will be some organization to your current situation as well, making things look easier and offering some possible area of approach and help or alternate path from the cards.

I dun really believe in spirits controlling the cards or smthing, but i do believe its a way of relief, clearing your mind and organisation of thoughts and an opportunity to ponder and meditate (ya i always meditate with techno music).
I did a simple 3 card spread (and a hell lot of time shuffling the cards b4 that, my first try i got 3 consecutive cards from the pre-arranged deck, i consider tt a no count). The first card represent Past, the next Present and lastly Future.

Past: 9 of Trees
Book says: Grief for something lost. Emotional pain. Deep sorrow that takes away our joy. Need to seek help. Need to look at something in ourselves we do not want to face or do not believe. More simply, it might call for us to allow grief or sadness. We look at this card primarily from the issue of regaining our lost power. However, in readings where the card comes up as a recommendation, it might suggest that we allow others to help us, even rescue us, the way Giulgameshg rescues Inanna.

It seems like referring to AJC times, pretty accurate, the pain and grief i had there is much more than i had in army. It may also refer to the torment during BMT.

"Need to look at something in ourselves we do not want to face or do not believe." Referring to my results, my poor relationships and troubles in AJ?

"regaining our lost power", hmmm...lost power.. Power referring to my better grades in primary and secondary school, and lost drastically in JC?

Present: The Emperor
Book says: The play between aggressive and healing energy. Abstract ideas, rationality. Setting firm boundaries, ruling your own territory, taking responsibility. Emotional remoteness. Sexuality, especially masculine sexuality. Fathers and fatherhood.

This is a bit more tricky. Aggressiveness may come from me defending my own character traits (even its no good) against certain brainwashing organization and perhaps the army ppl around me. Abstract ideas of how my vocation is going to be like and how my it will affect my future and setting my firm will that i want to stay out/not go overseas to self study. Emotional remoteness cos my good friends all now can only be access via online means...no physical someone i can talk to for now... Masculine refers to army? But i grew more fats than anything leh.

Future: 5 of Trees
Book says: Inner meaning, things going on under the surface. Withdrawal, especially to nurture a "secret" self. Healing that is not apparent on the surface. Development of aspects of yourself that you are not ready to show to others.

I hope it means withdrawal from my current vocation to nurture my passion for IT and imaging and audio, and of course there is no healing in this political battle field. The aspects of myself in IT? in Graphic Design? But one big problem: All these my passion of a geek is NOT A SECRET and i dun think its "not ready to show others" when im already ding job for others.

So this secret self and developing aspect of me is what??? Dun tell me is the hidden pro army turret technician in me, that will become skillful enough to show others. Wah then liddat meaning i cannot OOC...and got to stay in Kranji? Does it mean tt?

For this 5 of Trees...i need time to ponder what it is actually trying to say.

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