Unwelcome ZOMBiE's Blog
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I Call Myself ZOMBiE CYGIG
"Educated" At Maha Bodhi School, Victoria School, Anderson JC, LASALLE College of the Arts
What I Do Lazing, Hobby Crafting, DIY, Graphic Design, Computer Stuff that you don't get it
What I Avoid Hipsters, Soccer, Apple Brand, Outings
How Am I Like Logical, Practical, Off-Beat, Anti-Social, Sarcastic
In case you are wondering whats all the Portal and GLaDOS i talking about, i got a little MTV to share. I love this song. Very creepy...
This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the Science gets done. And you make a neat gun. For the people who are still alive. I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now. Even though you broke my heart. And killed me. And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire. As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you! Now these points of data make a beautiful line. And we're out of beta. We're releasing on time. So I'm GLaD. I got burned. Think of all the things we learned for the people who are still alive. Go ahead and leave me. I think I prefer to stay inside. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you. Maybe Black Mesa THAT WAS A JOKE. HAHA. FAT CHANCE. Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist. Look at me still talking when there's Science to do. When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you. I've experiments to run. There is research to be done. On the people who are still alive. And believe me I am still alive. I'm doing Science and I'm still alive. I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive. While you're dying I'll be still alive. And when you're dead I will be still alive. STILL ALIVE (x2)
All these are driving me crazy...combatant sergeants coming after me for vehicle status, parents ranting at me for stupid things like y i playing game, y i listen music so loud, y i eat unhealthy food.. they themselves quarrel among each other about wat to cook for dnr, where to go, why mom watch so much tv, why dad not patient enuff...making me so fustrated w my own family, these days i try to eat ot w my friends instead of gg home to eat. Not to mention ppl pressing for my medical status cos got ippt, also the never ending guard duty next month, where lot of times i doing alone...what abt ppl from base telling me my turrets not up to standard asking me to up them within 2 days.
All these plaque my mental health tremendously.. making me mad... i almost called the Samaritians of Singapore but pulled out due to lack of courage. I want to tell them if no one is gonna help me in gonna kill myself. The tot of how to kill myself lingures in my mind like a shadow. I really sucks t handling stress... esp when i often see ppl around me so happy. Its not tt they got less stress or less xiong, but tt they can enjoy watever they doing n put up w the stress, wile i can help but plunge ino depression.
The idea of the ppl in wrkshp being GLaDOS came to my mind... All the lies n lies, and the workshop itself is the test chamber, a place of dnger n helplessness. U are being watched by lots of ppl... Nothing much u can do but to follow the instrucions, failure to comply means ultimte danger.. Here and there u see scars made by agony of past n present technicians, wat to do? I think best is to leave tis place. Where is my portal gun??? Perhaps SAF is the Aperture Science Lab. I will remembe the cake is a lie. Believe in no one. In the case of torture, destory urelf..
How m i gg to make it through?? Shld i call the SOS?? I no longer believes in SAF hotline after asking in forums. If someone reding this post got any idea... Pls help m... Help me... Help me...
Just came back from Specialist appointment. He told me my shoulder is nothing serious.. And gimme the face like i chao keng. But my shoulder is getting better recently...simply cos i took the effort not to strain it, dun mean its ok. Cos i think upon submitting my last mc,my seniors really put me more to admin wrk. I got qns to ask, like y they stop my physio, y my attend b was not Recgnised by MO, y my medical board letter never cme. . . but looking this attitude i chose to remain quiet.
I completed Portal yesterdy, in game is tis place setted up nicely n professionally (Aperture Lab), yet all that was is a lie, QDnDOS (the game Boss) just want to make use of u n leave u to die...but in front pretend to praise u well for your achievement. Ppl died there b4... trapped..leaving only hand prints n scribblings on the wall 4 the next person 2 see..hoping to help him...
I guess im trapped as well in this place... being use n dispose as higher beings wished... secrets hidden from me...only clues left from others...No way to escape. No control of fate. I got no portal gun....
Nokia 770 is an internet tablet. Its like a PDA, but its running on Linux, Debian, Maemo. Its just like a desktop with linux installed, it can multi task, can download stuff from the net, can listen music, can see video, can blog, can MSN.... It got a large 4.13" screen 800x480 rez. But due to its slow hardware, sometimes things will freeze and all that. Well i got it for only $200 second hand, what more to expect? Its no longer in sale in Singapore btw. I gonna show u some of the features that i like most.
Screen shots are 800x480 in size, resized to fit my blog (thus appearing fuzzy looking), so click on them to see full size.
This is my home page, there is this Google search bar, this RSS feed reader and a clock. Looks like the widgets u get on Mac or Vista isnt it?
This is a typical web browser. On the left side, the Globe icon has got options to web browsing, like opening new window etc etc... The second icon with the two man display options related to your gmail account, like contacts, inbox, new call...The third icon is like your Window's Start button, inside is all the categories and software. The bottom smaller icons are like your Task Bar, each is one application, click to switch applications when multi tasking.
Multi tabs is possible for those who love it on their Firefox. Retaining the same UI, bookmarks, settings, u can switch between Opera or Firefox rendering engine (need extra download). Firefox engine seems faster on N770.
Full screen view.
RSS Feed Reader
I added my friend's blog feed here, so whenever i get connection i can get to read their latest blog update. Example here is Mr Brown Show, clicking on the Download mp3 will open the web brower and the audio player will stream the podcast along.
IM with Pidgin
Just like its desktop version, Pidgin for Maemo comes in two parts, the first window is your contact list, the second is your chat windows, all tabbed. U can do most of the things like change DP, change nick, nudge (but cannot receive nudge) plus all your fav plugin from the desktop version of Pidgin also can use!
Other funtions include media playback, PIM, setups and preferences...those standard stuff.
This is the Task Manager for the OS.
Installing software is easy, just goto the Maemo webby, can click "Install Now" and there u go..everything is automated. Else u got to follow instructions to download the files, repositories, packages...
It run on my 1GB RS-MMC, u can set up to 64MB for virtual memory also.
It can do google talk, VoIP thru the Google IM.
It got no camera, thus a perfect device into SAF camp. Since it has "Nokia" engraved on it, it can be easily disguised as just another no camera nokia phone.
Music pumped into my eardrums as i waited at Bugis MRT. I really dun mind if she was late, but i just wanted a little rest area to salvage my poor extreme flat foot. So i leaned my body against the marble wall...resting comfortably on it like a sloth on the tree.
"Oh hii..so sorry im late!" She appeared in front of me out of a sudden, almost scaring me to near-death.
"Haha its ok lah" i replied, staring into blank spaces. My though process ran through my mind to find a suitable emotion to display on my face, but the search returned zero result.
Its a long time since i had seen her, honestly i cannot remember how she looked like, cos my memory is simply brick when it comes to ppl's face. Strange enough, that was one of the rare times when i went out with a female that wore skirt. Dun ask why.
"Eh where u want to eat?"
"Dunno leh, the problem is Bugis nothing to eat one..."
I dunno, cos everything food in bugis was more or less Bugis Teenage Cafe to me, its quite quiet and peaceful, plus stable strong Wifi for purchase over $10. Their Banana Fritters were like "Goreng Pisang Premium Edition 2007", some kinda high class version of the tradition Malay fried banana. Yup they were nice but recently they adjusted the pricing to match the, perhaps gain in fertiliser pricing or lowered sexual production of the bees that gave the honey on the fritters.
The escalator carried us up into Bugis Junction, where we squeezed with others' fat and oil as usual, to get out of the building. Presented in front of us is Mos Burger, and there is this road with says "North Bridge Road". I dint ask anything, i trust she knew this place well. She never disappoint me, cos after we cross the road i can see lots of food stalls there. Honestly i was expecting that she would bring me to some restaurant or cafe... but she told me that she felt that coffee shops de food taste better. Im fine with anything, you know me de, got food can liao le...
We staggered right into this wanton mee shop.
"I like the yun tun mian here!"
I had no comments, still i cannot find a suitable emotion to put on my face. Only one word described then - Sian. I ordered this wanton hor fun $4, she got her wanton mee $3. I got my teh-o-bing, she got her teh-bing. She wanted to treat me, but i declined her offer.
As we ate we talk...more than often she would ask me to lower my volume, haha nothing new since my voice always too amplified. Topics like her tour guide job, uni life, army life, our other friends, computers... surrounded us. Then i start to notice a big contrast. Sitting there is a slim girl in uni who is quite happy and cheerful, eating wanton mee + teh bing. Opposite her is a fat guy in army who is damn depress and sian, eating wanton hor fun + teh-o bing.
How she manage to be so happy? Through the lunch she was talking on dual phone, one is hers, another her bro's. Why she having her bro's phone tt one i dunno. Actually i know but i lazy to type. She told me Uni is siao de, got tons and tons of projects to do, but not as tough as JC. I told her lucky i dint go uni, cos i going NAFA or La Selle, else this kinda mugging environment will kill me like fuck.
We finished our food, then she suggested the National Library beside. Im said im fine. On the way i questioned what she going to do after she grad from her faculty of Social Sciences, studying English Literature. She shrugged.
"Aiya, i never think so much lah, never worry about those, today happy can le lor. I dun even know if im still alive tml..."
Hmmm...ya i guess a lot of times i think too much, worrying about things months or years in advance, causing undue worry. Ppl say planning for the future is good, but looking at her, i doubt she noes what her future is like, but instead take one step at a time, and see how fate and destiny bring her along in life. Maybe thats why she can remain so happy ba.
I never enter the main branch of NLB b4, stepping in, i feel that the building is not as big as it looked from outside. But i liked the design, damn swee. We wanted to go to the social science section but dunno how go, so we approached the aunty at the counter (they call her the receptionist, but i think "aunty" suits her more). She talk talk talk talk talk more than Google Talk on the phone then never seem to care about us... Well, guess its time to look around for signs. Next to the lift i found this Board that instructed me to goto the seventh floor.
The view inside the lift was nice, upon the lift door opening we stepped out into this setup that look like airport custom. Scanners, security guard, cameras... As expected we were stopped by the security guard, demanding us to put our bags into the lockers. The lockers were free, u can take the key away and never return... but i decided to be my USUAL good boy. Rite...
I assisted her with the books..cos got lots and lots. The ppl there few and few. Contrast..
"I never know why ppl want to come to the library" she told me...as we scan our way through the sea of books. We strafe right right right through each columns until we reach a section with all books about Joseph Conrad and other's criticisms on his work. Lol, she gre excited and started to jump around w the books in her hands...
"I love this place! Come gimme a five!"
Huh? Tot she just said she wonder who will go library? With my blank face i gave her a five. Things quieten down as she read the content with interest... As she read, i asked her, "why u like always so happy de?".
"Haha, be like me lor, then u will also be happy...I dun get sian easily leh, dunno why some ppl a bit sian liao. I can lie on my bed whole day and feel contented de..."
Hmmm...hahaha somehow i got influenced with her happiness, somehow i began to enjoy the tranquil and bliss in the library. For some moments i forgot wtf SAF is. I forgot about sm1 bx m113... It working again, my cure to depression...having someone to accompany me and talk to me. I think thats the best counselling i can ever get... For the moment, poor zombie felt happy...hahaha...
She keep apologizing for dragging me to the library, i say its ok but i noe i dun sound convincing enough, prolly due to the sian face on my head. As we walked to back to Bugis MRT, the place felt much much different...like more vibrant liddat...
She waved at me and bid me good bye as she proceed to Yishun with her project discussion, as i stay back in Bugis to help my friend get some hardware and get my N770 in late afternoon...
Morning visited some Double Dragon Temple. Not gonna post pics, laZy.
Afternoon went to Bangkok via domestic flight. Down there my parents started quarrelling about food...haiz...the whole night only hear them scream and shout through the streets of bangkok...so diu lian...haiz...no matter what they just cannot say things nicely to each other...one dun want to eat street food, another dun want fast food, and the food courts in Bangkok close at like damn early.
No WiFi at hotel :(
Thursday, 17 October 2007
Morning went to city tour. Its EXACTLY the same as the one i went last year. Go boat see fish, go see honey, go see jewelery. All those nonsense Chiang Mai see b4 liao. Afternoon went to Ma Boon Kong. Okok shopping, never get much things for myself. Things i like parents wun buy, like swords, ninja star, knifes, baton, 50 LEDs torch light, 40mW green laser.....
Friday, 18 October 2007
Woke up late...then went to Pratunam Center and Platinum center...do more shopping and mroe leg pain. Never buy much also...haiz...then take 7pm flight home. See singapore sian sian.
This trip to thailand is totally not fun and uninteresting, full of unhappy quarrels and shit. Period.
Today EVEN MORE sian. Morning after sending the three malaysian girls to airport. We go see elephant. Aiyo the exact same performance i saw one year ago in bangkok liao. Ask elephant come out dance, massage, paint, kick ball, eat banana, take ppl's hat, bath...blah blah. Aiya i see performance until i feel alseep..then got some ang moh beside me shouting at each other for blocking views..hoho.
I shall present u with a gift from the elephants - its PANG SAI
Then after that go see what silverware, leather factory, bee factory, jewelry shop, bird nest farm, orchid garden...all those damn standard things. Sian 3/4 liao.
Super big moth
"No woman no cry, no beer i die"
Then the best of the day is go the Central Airport Shopping Plaza sit there relac and see got what things cheap. Got this sling shot damn nice, got wrist support and changeable rubber band, like sniper rifle liddat.
After that we eat dinner. Dinner was nice nice! Steamboat. After so long of budget food finally something nice. Lol we took so long to eat until the waiter got to serve us the desert and turn the steam boat power off for us. Then i keep taking the pork liver and port intestine also. Take until no have left. Quite jia lat, cos now not tourist season, so the whole restaurant only like got us.
After that is night market. Quite nice lah, things like BB gun,sword, knives, Ninja weapons all cannot bring to SG de..haiz..
Some nice flowers from night market, all fake one, made from soap.
Reverie 0530, go for breakfast and start our trip to Chiang Rai. Midway got this little hot spring where u can buy eggs then put in to cook.
SAF Flower, dunno since when SAF got come out with some combat flowers.
Temple that is tiled with glass
Up to Chiang Rai, we visited this village of the minority tribes. Very sian leh, those tribe ppl see us then greet us, then demo some dances...feels quite fake, cos they noe we come = got money. Summore got lots of stores there set up nicely for us buy things. Then got see these neck long long women also. On the village entrance got this carving of nude guy (extra long dick) and girl. The tour guide say is for ghost praying de. Honestly i feel quite sian...those handicrafts, clothings, dances all like similar to each other. Village woman also not chio de. The only thing i enjoyed are the farm animals running about. Lots of pok pok!!! Then i go try catch but those kampong chickens run damn fast.
All the chio bu
Later on eat lunch, then take boat over to Laos. Haha like some illegal immigrant, no need chop passport one, cos the place is where the borders of Myanmar, Laos and Thailand meet. Its call the Golden Triangle. Last time is grow poppy plant de. Now more of a market place, then u cross over to Laos also no one care de. Sadly, down there the handicraft and stuff all same same.
Fist day in thailand, after some damn long flight and searching high and low for power outlet for my laptop, finally
reached thailand. To my surprised the tour group only got 7 ppl. 4 from my family and 3 malaysians. Later learnt
that this tour agency from Thailand take tourist from lotsa different tour agencies and countries. Anything thats
good, i dun really like tour group with lots of ppl. Kinda zhi bi ba. But then thnking of it. No one around means no
gossips and look see interesting ppl.
Lucky enuff, hotel got free wifi, but the signal strength is like damn low, connected at like 1mbps only sia. But
still better than nothing. I guess Gunz will be impossible, but surf forum, blog, IM and skype still can ba. Now
trying to download google Earth to help in navigation in thailand. My laptop had proved to be one of the most useful
tool to bring with me all the time. Haha,if u noe how to use a computer, it can be really put into damn lotsa use.
Jsut that mine Compaq Presario V3000 is damn heavy, perhaps 3kg, making my shoulder ache more.
I will remember what to buy for everyone de. Tomato wants green thin specs frame, wk wants elephant and ah gua, lily
wants wallet, selina wants food.
But somehow dunno why i just cant put my troubles behind. So idecided to list them out:
1. Medical Board had yet to review me, and my excuse is ending soon, and i noe how troublesome it is to pester them
to look into this
2. Physio had stopped, somehow i tot i shld attend more session, cos its really quite useful, at home or in camp i
will be too lazy to do the exercises
3. Manning, i dun have all the field pack items. My field pack is at home, LBV and helmet is in camp. If called for
manning, i dunno what to do...
4. 29th October's Medical Appoint clash with my guard duty, dunno how to go about it
5. Things to do after they leave for Exercise Wallby, i wil be one of the very few left...meaning i will have to
deal with lots of stuff myself, without any guidance from seniors. Dunnno how the camp runs without just few of us here...
6. Staying in, i really hate to stay in. lucky enough, i making plans to get my Nokia N770 so i will still roam in
the digital world when i got nights out
7. Going to India next year, i really dun wanna go India. Total shit, but rumours saying all must go. Now i envy WK,
being an offical clerk he need not go much of these shit. Me is just said to be "doing more of paper work". Haiz.
8. Depression and loneliness. No one pei wo these days, becoming more zhi bi and depress..it had became a stressful things to jio ppl out on weekends...so i got some human interaction and wun be so stress...
9. Money, as i slide deeper into zhi bi...gadgets become more ofmy good friends. Lots of things i wanna buy but no money. Eg, new machine, SuperFi 5, new laptop, macro lens...
10. I need help. Dunno how long i can tahan with all the stress...i need counsellor or whatetver whoever can help in in any way. Almost no one in camp can be trusted...
I force myself to be happy...but im not. Every now and then i thinking this thinking that.. Ahiz.
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Depressed depress. I found out a way to temporary cure depression, thats to go out with someone. I realised these few weeks i had been coping myself at home most of the time, tok to no one, interact with no one, the become damn lonely and depress and hu si luan xiang. But once i go out w any good friend of mine, even just a simple LAN outing (like sunday w wk) or a simple dinner (like today with wenyan) makes me feel much much better. Suddenly not depress le, suddenly feel much much happier and livelier.
After last weekend's life firing, things in workshop become must more relac, until today they gimme one off day FOC. I guess its time to relax a bit. Looking forward to my long overseas leave next week.
I slowly entered the train..and found a nice seat just beside. I tot "how lucky today..". I sat down and closed my eyes, and for no reason i felt wetness on my face, clear liquid skimmed through my eyelids to my cheek as i sniffed my nose. I was almost half conscious after 2 minutes, lots of thoughts float through my mind. I tried recalled the events of the days...but it made me worst an worst. Im so depressed. . . . . I lugged my bag into m dad's car. Suddenly i realized one thing - im going to camp. deja vu. I used to have pang of sadness when i tot "Im going to school." I sat there head titled to the window...and no matter how i try, i cannot resist the sourness in my heart. Sadness turned into tears, and i hope my dad saw nothing. Becos if he questions things would be sticky. Im so depress.