ZOMBiE's Blog
This Blog is best viewed in 1024x786, in Firefox 3.0, Internet Explorer 6.0 or Opera 8.0 or above. Flash Player 9 or above required... That was for 10 years ago, most modern browsers can view my blog.

You accept the Terms and Conditions of cygig.blogspot once you start accessing this blog. Else, please leave immediately.

I Call Myself

"Educated" At
Maha Bodhi School, Victoria School, Anderson JC, LASALLE College of the Arts

What I Do
Lazing, Hobby Crafting, DIY, Graphic Design, Computer Stuff that you don't get it

What I Avoid
Hipsters, Soccer, Apple Brand, Outings

How Am I Like
Logical, Practical, Off-Beat, Anti-Social, Sarcastic

Number of Views

View My Stats

Talk Cock

Check This Out!
ZOMBiE's Theorem
My Dark Literature(Poems, Songs, Short Stories)

Classic Enteries

zB BlogLock

This Blog...
Theme: Glass Core METAL

No using of my blog skin and zB Blog Tools without my permission. Some music streamed to blog can be freely distributed under Creative Commons. Others are linked from external websites.

Current Posts
January 2004
September 2004
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
October 2010
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
May 2011
June 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
June 2012
July 2012
September 2012
July 2013
August 2013
October 2013
January 2014
March 2014
April 2014

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution
Non Commercial
No Derivs
2.5 License

Saturday, December 08, 2007
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 10:17 AM --- Post#2621012141028976144

What is depression? To me depression is the feeling of extreme sadness, and add in the helplessness as well as change of normal behavior (become quiet or become too chatty).

But what makes someone depress? When someone is down, he/she definitely thinks that he/she is like...in the worst of all situation. But what i realized is that different ppl get depressed differently.

Ok, which of the two is a justifiable situation to sink you into deep depression, even to a point of thinking of suicide:
1. Your grandma's death
2. Serving NS

To someone who love his grandparents, perhaps Option 1 is seemed to be for the obvious choice. Its a death of someone close to you after all! But for me, i rather choose Option 2. Why? Because i never had any pleasant moments w my grandma before...Ever since young i had heard lots of stories about how bad my grandma is as a person, and i had seen her favoritism with my own eyes. At some point in life i hate her. Hate her to core. But now she is already in old folk's home, sitting on her wheelchair and on the verge of losing her memories, my hatred had somehow subsided.

I had been through death before, death of my NPCC and classmate Yap Jun Rong. Everyone teared and wet their face during the cremation, but somehow i just wun cry. going in my mind is something like "Welll RIP, at least u no longer need to endure the pain of living in this world. YOu committed suicide (supposingly, details never released), no u need not fred over your problems. Your parents will hurt in their heart, but the pain will gradually go away. Im sure in comparison your pain is much great. Its like a trade of a smaller degree pain from your family members and friends to ease your much greater pain". I never cry. Never felt sad.

Pokpok's death came to me few months before. One of my longest pet for i think seven years. From secondary to JC to army, i never fail to see her first everytime i come home. When she died...again i never really very sad. At least she managed to escape the torment of my mom who keep abusing her. And seven years for a jungle fowl is somewhere there for her life span. I just hope she loved me as much as i loved her previously.

You may disagree with me, but thats how i personally feel. Becos of this way i look at death, death will not contribute to my extreme depression most of the time.

Whereas serving ns is totally against my own belief. I hate being jailed. I hate politics, i hate the dirty environment, i hate high-rankers controlling everything. I hate having no rights. I hate not being able to voice out, i hate the rigidness, i hate the lack of freedom. To me serving NS is definitely more depressing than someone's death.

Thus...i come to a conclusion that different events make different ppl depress. So next time when your friend tells you smthing is bothering him and making him feeling sad...put yourself in his shoes and understand that his problem may appear small to you, but big to him.

Smooth skin, small sized, long hair...this is a typical girl. Having only two years in my life with interaction with girls, I find this species of creature extremely interesting.

Why are their skin soo smooth and nice to touch? Why they have a nice chin and lips without any beard, just glossy and pinkish skin? Why some of them can pacify me like a morphine? Why are their menstruation cycle so interesting? Why they behave so different from guys? And since they behave so different why a guy and a girl can get along? What is the thing in them to make guys love girls sooo much? Why are their palm soo small? Why why why? Hahaha i also dunno.

Though the times, IMO girls now have much more advantages than guys. Just to list down a few:
- No need serve NS, which gives them two more years to develop their studies ahead.
- Able to choose many path in life, including paths used to be taken by guys. Girls can choose to stay at home or go out work. Guys that choose to stay at home to look after kids and have the girl to go out earn money is termed as "eating soft rice"
- Girls can choose a variety of clothings, no one will say much if a girl choose to be clad in tee and jeans (common guy outfit), but its a NO NO for guys to be in skirts and tubes.
- Most of the time guys will choose to give way and treat girls, to be a so called "gentleman"
- Girls can now participate in sports just like guys
- Generally species that has got more care and love for each other, minus the ego
- Got protection from law, a small touch can result in molestation
- Beauty is one powerful weapon, although not having beauty is one disadvantage also.

Of course nothing is perfect, there are some disadvantages as well:
- Monthly period is irrtating
- My female friends tell me their boobs are getting into their way, very zhor teng
- Child birth is really painful...but u got a choice of bearing child and method of giving birth
- Perhaps cases of guy abandoning girl after pre-marital sex, but also got cases of the girl abandoning guy. Rape cases are rare in SG.

Well as u compare, i seriously think girls are much better off guys. Asking all my female friends, almost all want to continue living as a girl in their next life. Me not gay, me no gg for operation, dun misunderstand, but given a choice to start afresh next life, i would rather be a girl.

I look at my god sister, happily University studying. All she worry about is how to get her A's. Im not saying its easy, but she seem to manage it well. I look at my cousin, she said she got her problems, but overall i guess she still does better than me. I look at Kyro, a girl without emotions, i dunno how she manage but she got not much of sadness or excitements in life..very peaceful, no worries...which is good! I look at Selina, whole day happy happy..was she ever sad?

Take a look at the guys. WK last time depression in army. My camp ppl whole day sulking cos of various unhappy issues. Eric tan also not happy w NS. Jeremy is now in Hell of Guards...trying to get a down pes but failed. Frank poh not doing as good also, he describe army as wayang place. Perhaps its just NS, but this event alone is affecting all the guy friends i know. Sorry i cant bring up any other example cos i dun have guy friend older than me. Younger got..CC lor..i think he now still quite happy..wait till he enters JC.

I feel i need lots of pacification. I used to use the word "comfort", until Carely came up with the term "pacify". Its like when u are really feeling hopeless and down..someone come to you and is willing to talk to you. He/she may not be able to solve your problem..but its like the way your friend toks to you and calm you down, not very effective on text, more effective face to face, u feel suddenly actually ppl do care for u. At least for the moment u feel better after someone listened to you, at least someone is willing to listen to you. Sometimes pacification is not just talking, it can be going out w someone who is willing to spend some time with you, Be it watching a movie or having a dinner, spending time to make u occupied and in front of you is just a nice piece of memory.

It works.

I think phone calls works as effectively also. Being able to tok to someone, a good friend of yours, a buddy...just numb your depression for a while... long heart to heart talks helps also...

But problem is everyone is very very de busy. Who got time to pacify me? No one... A good pacifier got to be there for the one being pacified all the time..willing to tok to him and sayang him all the while. Obviously this situation is quite impossible..

Well..for those reading here..do spend time texting me or calling me on phone. I will reply and i will be glad to receive your message. Even a simple "how u doing" will do. Here i do thanks all my friends who tried making me happy thru the shit times in NS. Thanks.

View/Post Comments (0)