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Monday, May 05, 2008
A Dying Friend
[ZOMBiE CyGiG] ranted at 12:12 AM --- Post#2479927660420242262

A short story by me, out of sudden inspiration. You can guess my mood after reading this. Sorry for lots of language mistakes.

Using every last ounce of his strength, Leng moved his pupils in my direction. His vision readjusted to focus on my face, as I brought my arms forward and placed my palms on his laps. His laps felt like just skin and bones, they had retired and passed on their jobs to the wheel chair many months ago.

"Hey, are you feeling better?" I asked with my deepest concern.

"Haha, are you kidding? Its terminal leh. Cannot cure one." Leng sounded so faint, I could hear his heaving in between changes of breath, I'm so afraid it's going to stop anytime before me.

He was sitting on a wheelchair, with a large number tag on top for hospital personnels to identify the patients. Rusty and paint-peeled areas were obviously visible to me, indicating how long it had been dutifully serving his master. I guessed the poor wheelchair deserved a good maintenance. He did not want to rest in bed as he complained of backaches from the prolonged lying and sitting on bed. While on wheelchair, he could bring himself around the hospital as he wished, though given his physical conditions, it's highly unlikely that he could even leave the ward, but still I guess it gave him the sense of freedom.

"Dun worry lah, will be ok one"

"Aiyo..." Leng turned his head towards the window. Outside, it's a typical scene of Singapore - blue sky, clean roads, lots of trees, buzzing vehicles and occasion warbling of vision due to the extreme hot air in the lion city.

I sat on one of the visitor chair, not knowing what exactly to do. Before I came, i thought it would a saddening session, but to my disbelief, Leng did not look too..hmm...pitiful? Of course it's obvious he was a victim of some killer disease, which in this case, Leukemia. Final stage. No cure.

To put it blatantly across, he did not felt like a dying man. In fact, I'm the one down here that felt like the diminishing party. My life was plague with depress and anxiety disorder. Not to mention stress and more stress. Some were from my workplace, some from my parents, and others made up by myself. I was then an NSF (someone serving the army, the rest of the details were not important). Enough said.

A question suddenly arrived in my head, perhaps it came from one of the book i had read - Tuesdays With Morrie.

I called out for Leng from my seat. He turned his head in curiosity, expecting me to ask one of those standard questions they would ask a patient. I cant help but to notice his balding head, which was once blooming with dark shiny hair. It must be the chemotherapy.

"Leng ah, err..you not scared of dying?"

He froze, and then frowned. I though I just asked an ultimate wrong question. How could I be asking such a question to someone dying? What was I doing?

His frown and rigid expression broke, and began laughing. I felt more comfortable.

"Hahaha...Nope! Im more than happy."


"I remember I was once told, reaching heaven is the ultimate way to attain happiness. I wun have to suffer anymore dude!" Leng pushed his head towards me, and made a big big smile. Wrinkles could be seen on this twenty year old.

"But..you are losing everything! Your family, your friends, your life! You wouldn't be able to eat your fav dish, play your UT3, kick soccer..." I blurted in disbelief, unable to comprehend why he would give such an answer? Was he mad?

"Everyone has to go sometime lah. Your family and friends will have to grief for you sooner or later. Haha, at least i dun have to grief for anyone! Hahaha!", Leng gave the answer half jokingly, hinting I should be laughing as well. "I lose everything yes! I lose my troubles as well dude!"

I was totally baffled. Wasn't Leng too optimistic? Or was I too pessimistic and skeptical about life. Leng could face death so relaxingly, like queuing up to go to paradise and never to look back again. I did not say anything for minutes, just sitting there quietly trying to process the whole logic. Seeing that I was exclaimed, Leng gestured with his wrinkled and saggy arm for me to go nearer to him.

I stood up from my chair and proceeded to sit beside him on his bed. Now this time he put his hands on my lap. He looked deep into my eyes, paused a while, before continuing his explanation.

"I dun have to worry about money again. I dun have to worry about studies again. I dun have to worry about army! Haha you still got to do your duties and go outfield! Im the legendary PES F! I have no future to worry about, no more pain stake lecture notes from schools, no more nagging from parents. I dun have to feel stressful anymore! No one can stress me! I can finally put down all my arguments with Singapore politics and how this sucks and that rocks cos its no longer going to be relevant. In a sense im selfish, but which human isnt selfish? "

He said all that in one breath. And then he closed his eyes and sucked in more air. He was exhausted and simply speaking long sentences could drain all his energy. That's the power of cancer.

Leng opened his eyes, now he slowly slided his palms up to my shoulder. He attempted to give me a tight hug, but it turned out to be a weak squeeze. A tear rolled off my cheeks. I did not know how to respond.

"Dun worry for me k? I will be your best buddy, in your heart..." Leng lifted his finger and pointed to my chest, shaking. His finger then poked where my heart was.

"In my heart..." I repeated, and held on to his palms so tight.

I managed to suppress my emotion. I gave a quick excuse that I had something important, and rushed out of the ward, by then my tears was already like a tap, flowing and flowing...

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